


Better

by robertstanion



Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [2]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: M/M, OH MY GOD SO MUCH PINING, Pining, Songfic, except simping is key, how the fuck do i forget the main tag of this book omfg, john mcnamara is also a simp, oh fuck, simping, there isnt much else about it, xander has powers au, xander is a part of the black and white au, xander lee is a fucking siMP, xander still has powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26797762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: Xander Lee is simping for John, and he doesn't know John is simping for him. John tries to ask Xander out, but the question is if it goes well or not.
Relationships: Xander Lee/John McNamara
Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764349
Kudos: 6





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> woah woah not me writing fanfic throughout the entirety of hatchetober in the middle of my 1000 ways to die hyperfixation,,,, yeah that's bad I know and im sorry
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy simp city!!

Joining PEIP, the thing Xander hadn’t intended to do was to fall for his boss, and not _only_ was John his boss, but he was rare. Jonathan Myles McNamara couldn’t be human, Xander figured, for he was so extravagant that he believed no human should be able to see him. It wasn’t like Xander was human anyway, but it was beside the point. Everything he did, he did with a hard ease that shouldn’t exist, that shouldn’t be happening in such a bland, beige and grey colour palette of an island.

It had definitely started when he joined PEIP. When he’d sat down in the interview room, and he’d put down his racing heart and sweating palms down to anxiety, and when he was asked questions based on himself instead of his resume, he tripped over his words multiple times and had believed he wasn’t getting the job, and he had put _that_ down to anxiety as well. Only recently had he figured, that with the racing heart and sweaty palms happening whenever John was around, that it became something more than just nerves, especially since he’d been at the precinct for nearly three years.

It wasn’t like he had any trouble accepting he had a crush on his general, because he’d had those feelings for other men before. It was the fact he refused to try and accept them, which became the issue. John was beautiful, he truly was. His blonde hair, no matter what, was always perfect, and looked so soft. His eyes were sharp and bright, compared to that of an eagle’s, able to predict the future and tell when one was lying. Don’t even get him _started_ on the muscles John acquired from the job, which gave him the strength he needed for carrying injured soldiers back to HQ, and sometimes it was two on both shoulders.

As a matter of fact, the realisation hit him when he was making dinner for himself, with a pot of black coffee brewing for himself. He’d just started to drain the pasta he’d made and placed it in the pot with the roasted vegetables, beginning to stir it, when a simple thought crossed his mind that shouldn’t have in that moment. _“Huh. I’m having John’s favourite meal tonight. How coincidental.”_ How did he know that, and why had he been paying that amount of attention to his general to know his favourite food, and that’s when it hit him. His eyes had widened, and he’d gripped the counter as the thought settled in. After coming to terms with it, he grabbed his phone and rang his dad, the one person he knew could help him with the sudden realisation.

“Dad!” He exclaimed once the call was answered. “Dad, I have an issue.”

“And what would your issue be, son?” The voice of Sean Lee asked on the other side of the line, and Xander could hear the friendly smile that he often wore.

“Okay, right…” He laughed softly and ran a hand over his face. “Oh god, I just- I don’t know what to do…”

“Oh? This is serious?”

“This is-“ he cut himself off and tried to figure out how to piece the words together. “I may or may not have gained a crush on my boss?” He asked his father, almost unsure himself, and he heard the sigh on the phone, though it was light-hearted and unharmful. “Oh, come on! It isn’t my fault!”

“What happened to Dan?”

“Dan?” Xander scoffed and rolled his eyes. “We broke up four years ago. Well, if you can count ending hook ups as a breakup. He only wanted me so he could suck my-“

“I think I’ve heard enough, Xander.”

“Alright, alright, sorry dad.”

“It’s alright. But this general of yours. Tell me about him.”

“He’s…” Xander closed his eyes as he thought about him. “He’s beautiful. Really. He’s got the most gorgeous eyes, and the prettiest hair, and his jawline-“ He laughed softly after, as the picture of John came back in his head. “He’s strong, and he’s witty. He is _incredibly_ opinionated on modern technology, but is all for the technology the science department comes up with.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The problem _is_ , dad, he is my _boss._ He is someone who orders me to do tasks. He isn’t someone that I should be falling for. Besides, he’s pretty much straight.” Xander shrugged and grabbed a bowl for himself, serving up the food he’d made. “It’s not like I can walk up to him and be like ‘hey, I think you’re really hot, can I take you out to dinner’ in the middle of work, is it? God, I think I’d die on the spot!”

“If your heart is telling you the truth, kid, then go for him. You never know the outcome, and after all, we’ve both worked for PEIP, haven’t we? We know there are an infinite amount of solutions in several different universes, is it?”

“Right.”

“And in at least one of those, you’d have had to have ended up with him if you feel that strongly, shouldn’t you?”

“I guess so…”

“So, I don’t see a problem. I see the solution is that you let yourself calm down, and come to terms with that fact you’ve gained these feelings, and we’ll discuss these emotions on Saturday when I next see you, alright?”

“Alright. I love you, dad.”

“I love you too, Xander. And be careful.”

“I will,” he said before hanging up. He took his food to the living room where he slouched down on the couch and flipped the TV on. He’d have to be careful, like his father said, and try his hardest with the topic. It wasn’t that he wasn’t capable, because he was, but he was unfamiliar in this environment, and it scared him. He’d take it day by day, and little by little, and try to find a positive outcome.

* * *

He approached PEIP the next day with his head held high, and he cracked down on his work immediately. He sat down at his desk, logging on to his emails, and when he saw the task list for that day, he couldn’t suppress how his heart fluttered when he saw the email that every agent got sent that morning, with John’s email attached. He sighed longingly as he looked at the tasks. He nodded, knowing he could get them done with ease, and he still had time to train himself later on throughout the day.

He stood from the desk, printing out the sheet of instructions listed, and snatched it from the printer. He walked to the drawer, finding the corresponding chemicals needed for that specific experiment that was needed for him to work. Yes, he was a theoretical physicist, but many of his jobs needed the chemistry aspect as well. If they needed a biologist, then they could fuck off and get a biologist, but Xander Lee would _not_ be seen doing biology. He’d always been fond of the subject, but biology was too boring and a step too far. He found comfort with the mathematical side of physics, which was homely and familiar, and the experimental side of chemistry, which was exciting and new.

He got to work, noting down the results he got, and he did this for a while. He often got caught up in experiments, and lost track of time, which meant he often forget to take his breaks. It led to agents being assigned to him on a rota to remind him. On breaks, he mostly spent them in his office to be alone, where he’d finish any incomplete and outstanding forms that needed to be handed in based on missions he’d been on, or missions other agents had been on that used one of his formulae that he managed to complete.

Today, he did forget to have his break, and was only reminded when there was a hard knock on the door. Xander sighed, his back turned to the door, his lab coat covered in blue splodges of…something new and mysterious that he was trying to figure out the properties of. He placed his goggles on his forehead as he called for whichever agent to come in. He checked the time on his watch and his eyes widened. He usually did work over the time dedicated for his breaks, but never _that_ far. In his momentary shock, he was shaken further when the agent in the room began to speak.

“Private Lee, it appears you have yet to take your break.”

Xander immediately took the goggles off of his head and placed them on the desk, securing the lid of the chemical reaction that was slowly taking place. He turned and faced the man, and rubbed the back of his neck, shamefully. “Yes, I am aware and I’m sorry, sir.”

“It also appears that _I_ have yet to take my break. I have noticed you spend a lot of time alone in your office. I have decided that today, I will be getting to know my finest agent better. Mind if we eat in your office?” The agent, General John McNamara, asked, and Xander’s heart stopped.

It took a while for the thought to finally settle in before he nodded, rushing to slip off his lab coat, trying not to panic. He hung up the coat on the coat rack, noticing John had a small rucksack on his back, presumably with everything a General could need in there, including lunch. Xander smiled as politely as he could, while trying to keep his cool, as he walked back into his office. He waited for John to walk in after him, before securing the lock on the lab door in the event there’d be an explosion in there that could cause damage.

He took his place at his desk, and gestured to the seat in front of him for John to slide into. In the white lighting in his office, John’s features were highlighted and _God_ he was gorgeous. He’d fallen, and he hadn’t _just_ fallen in, but because he’d fallen so hard, and fallen in so deep, he was falling apart. Had John noticed? He didn’t think so, and he wanted it to stay that way. He really hoped John didn’t know that, in the dead of night, while he was sleeping, Xander was still falling apart at the thoughts of John sleeping beside him. He hoped John couldn’t see the motions of his mind clicking into place from last night when he finalised the idea that he had, in fact, fallen for his general, and that it was one of the worst events to happen to him in that era.

“So, tell me, Private,” John asked as he reached into his bag. “The last meeting we had, you said your experiment wasn’t going as well as you had originally planned, and I’d like to know. Did things get better?” He asked sincerely as he looked up, opening his own lunch.

Xander, having unexpected the question, managed to smile, though the sudden shock was settling in. “If I’m being honest sir, no. It didn’t get better, I just got used to it.” He laughed as he dug into some leftover pasta from last night, trying to keep himself polite, not wanting to seem rude with his eating manners. “It was strange, because everything had been going to plan, and so abruptly, it hadn’t, I found myself asking how I’d gotten to that particular situation, and I’d gone over my notes after work because I couldn’t figure out where I’d gone wrong. But hey, I did manage to learn a little from it, and I _did_ manage to make some more notes based on my mistakes.”

“I’m sure you gave that mission all that you could give, Private. I don’t doubt that for a second.” John said as he began eating his own food, keeping his eyes on Xander, and his gaze was soft and welcoming. It sure as hell made Xander feel more confident.

“Yeah, well, I did think I could have done better to prevent the mistake in the first place.”

John swallowed the mouthful that he had, and looked to his best private. “Better than this?”

“Better than this,” Xander confirmed, looking away from his boss.

“Listen, Xander,” John started, setting his hand in his lap once he finished his sandwich. “You _know_ I won’t settle for less than the best, and I’m not saying that you haven’t forgotten that. I also know, from the recent reports I’ve witnessed, that _you_ have bought in most of PEIP’s statistics and raised our agency to be one of the best in the nation. To hear you, my _finest_ agent, discussing yourself in such a degrading matter is something I will not bare to understand. Do I make myself clear?”

At the sudden lecture received, Xander blinked and started to shrink back into his jacket. “Yes, sir, you make yourself clear.”

“I feel you need a reminder. I will not, and I will _never_ settle for less than the best, and you are doing the best that you can. I won’t stand to hear you say that you will do better than what you are already doing, when what I’ve seen demonstrated _is_ the best.”

“Yes, sir.” Xander said, much quieter than before.

After that, the conversation proceeded, and Xander tried to be as enthusiastic as possible with the knowledge he’d somewhat disappointed his General. His heart sank, and his entire body ached as they finished up their discussion. What he hadn’t expected was, for when John was about to leave, he took Xander’s hand and held it firmly, yet at the same time, it was soft, and all of a sudden, Xander’s heart jolted to life again. John McNamara was holding _his_ hand, and his hands were so soft and-

“Xander?”

“Hmm?” He asked and looked at him, trying to ignore John’s hand in his. The brightness in John’s eyes seemed to have faded when it was clear Xander hadn’t been paying attention, and John swallowed. He removed his hand from Xander’s grasp and stood.

“I was reminding you about the schedule for the next month, though you were in a daze. Don’t worry, I’ll email it you.” He said, grabbing his rucksack, throwing the remains of his lunch in there, turning on his heel, and leaving. Though Xander wanted to believe what John had told him, but there’d been a lie tied in his voice. He sighed, and turned back to his lab, only praying it wasn’t anything too important that had to be covered up drastically.

* * *

But the thing was, it had been important, it took a _lot_ of courage for John to go into his office and strike up a conversation with the man. Recently, he noticed a tightness in is chest whenever he saw Xander speaking to another male agent, and it was even worse when he saw Xander laughing. He did get jealous easy, and he hated to admit it because he always had to be right. It was so much worse when he couldn’t approach the person and try to resolve his feelings.

He didn’t gain romantic feelings very often, and therefore, tried to sleep around like he saw a lot of his other friends do. He knew he was different though, when men tried to take him back to their apartment _only_ after John was drunk. It may have been the business lifestyle for his friend group, and John had tried to join in with the commotion, though realised it wasn’t for him. He dropped the friends, and cut himself off from many people becoming the person he was to his agents at PEIP. He had his second in command, Miss Schaffer, and she was his _only_ friend. He didn’t mind.

The only time he _started_ to mind was when he felt a heart-pounding, face-flushing, nauseating wave of emotions that came whenever his best, and smartest agent, walked past him. Xander Lee was beautiful. He had the richest skin, and the sweetest laugh he’d ever heard. His honey-brown eyes were deep, and John found himself getting lost in them in board meetings on the monthly basis. Schaffer caught on before he did, and John and instantly denied it.

It had taken him a while for him to gain courage to even think of asking Xander out, but that specific day, he’d decided to say, “fuck it” and try. Schaffer had told him that Xander looked at him differently, and behaved differently around his general, and it wasn’t because of nerves. John, who appeared scary, was a gentle giant who cared for each and every one of his agents, and his one desire was for them all to be comfortable, and to see him as someone to talk to if any issues were raised. This also meant Xander. Xander had been at the precinct for three years at that point, and almost seemed to avoid John, so, the general thought that, for him to _ask_ Xander out, that he’d get him alone.

He set up a plan, to ask him on one of their breaks, specifically lunch because it was longer, and to eat with him in his office. He’d managed to strike up conversation with the physicist, and he watched as the other man’s eyes instantly lit up as he talked about the topic he was so passionate about. John realised that he took it too far when he gave Xander the lecture and he became quieter.

To make up for it, he decided to cut straight to the point, and to confirm his feelings with Xander’s. He took Xander’s hand, and began to recite the script he’d created for himself, to ensure he didn’t stagger or make himself appear pathetic when he asked Xander out on the date, but Xander was dazed, and John took it as a message he, in fact, wasn’t interested.

As John left the office of Xander’s and headed back to his own, his teeth were clamped down on his tongue as he suppressed angered screams. His script hadn’t made a difference at all, and he was still single. Schaffer had _told_ him that there was a spark between the two, even if John hadn’t seen it, and he wanted to recover the time they’d already lost from high school to the years they hadn’t seen each other to the years they had. He knew it would have been too good of a story if the plan had succeeded, but it was also too good to let Xander go, even if he wanted to. 

He sent Xander the email, and his hands became shaky as he typed out the schedule for the forthcoming events. Maybe it was the lack of adrenaline from the anticlimactic event that took place, or maybe it was him hiding his disappointment that Xander hadn’t said yes, or even payed attention. He ended up slamming his closed fist down on to the desk as he grit his teeth hard. “Goddamit, John! We can do better than this!” He told himself, and it was true. He could do better than that. And he knew how.

Vegas. Las Vegas. By next week, he’d be in Las Vegas, taking down a certain Edmund Monroe, someone who had a high-class weapon that, in the wrong hands, would cause certain mass destruction. It had been stolen from a PEIP agent, who had approached him in tears and panic that they’d be fired, but John had calmed him down and told him that he’d get it back. Using Xander’s technology, he tracked down the infamous brother of Linda, and picked up his location. His plan, Edmund’s, was to be in Vegas for a month to try and exchange a good deal for the weapon he possessed. He’d been there for a week so far, and would be for another three weeks. It gave John a very limited time to find the culprit and bring him back.

But it’d be easier with two.

An idea sprung to mind, as he sent Xander his schedule for the next few weeks, and wrote himself a _new_ script, based on how he’d ask Xander to go to Las Vegas with him. Xander was smart, and Xander would know how the quickest way to take down the culprit was. They were both going to Sin City soon, and maybe they’d have a better outcome than the one they’d have today.

Hopefully, John McNamara would leave Vegas with a boyfriend, and not alone.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> PEIP KINNIE ABORT PEIP PEIP PEIP PEIP


End file.
